I love going to the grocery store. I don't know why but I do. This is one of the many reasons that my wife loves me because she hates 'food' shopping. But I love it! Last night that may have all changed. As I entered the store one of the grocery cart helpers greeted me with a "Hey, Mr. Kirby." No big deal he was one of my sons friends. I proceeded to the Deli to get some ham and some cheese. I asked for some imported ham and before I told the nice little deli slicer named Allison how I would like it sliced she said, "Would you like that chipped?" I thought to myself...how did this cute little nympho-slicer with the blond pony-tail know how I wanted my ham sliced? But without hesitation I said, "That would be lovely."
What was odd about the ham slicing session was that it was sliced perfectly...this never happens; and she stopped slicing at just a little less than a pound. Normally, they weigh it and it is less than a pound so they slice some more and it ends up being 1.25 pounds which always pisses me off. But last night was different.
With the ham in the see-thru deli bag, she asked if I wanted any cheese...Okay, now I was really getting freaked out. Had my wife taped the deli list to my shirt without me knowing? A quick glance down the front of my shirt eradicated that theory. I told her my cheese order and with the precision of a samurai she sliced the product to its exact measurement and with a quick glance and a smile told me to have a wonderful evening. It was at this moment I noticed my palms were sweating like an eighth grader on his first date. What the hell was going on?
I quickly made my rounds gathering items through the store like O.J. running from a murder scene and proceeded to the check out. I had this odd feeling that I was being watched.
At the register, the lady asked me for my Gold Card. Bingo! That's how they know so damn much about me. Every time I buy something it is registered back to that card. They know what I like and what I don't. Hell, at Thanksgiving they even give me a turkey. How do they know I love turkey at Thanksgiving? The card. The card. The card.
All my food items bagged. The clerk hands me my receipt along with two in-store coupons that were printed along with my receipt. The first is coupon is 50 cents off of Twizzlers Strawberry Licorice and the second coupon is for 25 cents off of M&M's. Oh my god...
Be Well.
Bill
