Those of you who know me will remember that I have this Love - Hate affair with McDonald's. Well, now I hate them again. I know that hate is such a strong word, however, I think that Ronald and his merry ring of retards have gone a little too far this time.
When I go to McDonald's I have to try and disguise myself because I know they will do anything and everything to mess up my order. This past Friday I thought I could fly low and go under the radar; strike quickly and get out before they noticed me.
It was a beautiful day. I made a quick stop at an office supply store and was returning to work when my stomach began its rumbling, stumbling, bumbling...announcing that it was after 1:00 and no lunch was anywhere in site. Ahead in the distance, I could see those golden arches peeking over some nearby trees. As I approached, I noticed that the lunch rush continued to linger and that the parking lot was full. I thought maybe I could get in and get out before they noticed it was me. I opted for the drive-thru. I quickly put on a baseball hat and sunglasses to mask my identity. I gave the woman my order using a thick southern accent. The order was simple...2 plain cheeseburgers and a large coke. I quickly hit the 'up' window switch causing my tinted windows to cover my face. There was certainly no way they could have known it was me. I was quick and I was cunning.
I approached the window to give the wooley mammoth worker my money. I only cracked the window enough to hand her my money and then quickly pulled up to the food giver outer window. My bag and drink were waiting. I quickly grabbed my goods and sped off. Ha! I fooled them! No screwing up my order this time.
On my way back to work, I took a sip of my coke and began to open the bag containing my 2 plain cheeseburgers. The wrapper gone, I couldn't help but notice that the burger felt somewhat light. Taking off the top of the bun I immediately knew that somehow - someway they knew it was me. For staring up at me was a single piece of cheese on a bun. There was no burger. Just a damn piece of cheese. I quickly threw the burger impostor back in the bag and opened the other wrapper...Ah! No! No! No! There was no burger again. Just a piece of cheese between the non-sesame seed buns.
Sensing my defeat, I threw the non-burger burger back in the bag. As I hummed the tune to "TAPS", I hit the down switch for my window and in my best Kareem Abdul-Jabbar hook shot motion; threw the bag over my car and into the woods for all my furry friends to enjoy.
Well, Ronald, you won this round. But you certainly haven't won the war. I'll be back.
Be Well.
Bill
