Last night as I was trying to go to sleep, I was talking to my wife about all the things that I hate. A lot of the items dealt with food...like liver, cauliflower, brussel sprouts...you know, the usual culprits. But then, for no apparent reason, I blurted out that I really hate going to the dentist. Now, I am not going to the dentist anytime soon, but for some reason all of the reasons I hate going to the dentist flooded my medulla oblongata. So instead of sheep, I began counting all of the reasons I hate all things dental.I hate the way they decorate the office with happy little slogans and pastel colors and soothing pictures. They try to disguise the fact that the whole reason you are there is for the D.D.S. and his dental gestapo to inflict as much pain upon your mouth as possible while waving a banner of wholesum oral cleanliness. Hitler used the same tactic at Auschwitz when he disguised the gas chambers as showers.
I hate the way the Dental Hygenist picks at my teeth with her miniature machete. Enough already. Just how much plaque can be on one person's teeth? C'mon, I know it's been 5 years but enough is enough.
I hate the way they ask if I floss everyday. They have just spent the last 45 minutes picking, prodding and pulling pot roast out from under my gums. Do you really think I floss? I don't think so....stop asking me stupid questions.
I hate the way they numb my mouth and then ask me to spit in the little tray. I can't feel my face, nor do I have the ability to hit anything with accuracy in a numbed state of being. I think the only reason they have me do this is to get it on a hidden camera for submission to America's Funniest Home Videos.
I hate the way the dental community waits until they have sixteen fingers, five dental picks and two yards of floss in your mouth until they ask you a question like, "Are you enjoying the weather?" I am enjoying the weather? Are you kidding me? I am guessing they think I know sign language because there is no way anything resembling the English language could possibly make its way out of my mouth with all that crap in there.
Isn't it funny what pops into your head when you're trying to go to sleep at night?
Be Well.
Bill
