When our children were younger we bought something called The Cuss Bank. For those of you not familiar with a Cuss Bank it is quite simply a device where money is deposited every time someone utters a "cuss", "swear" or "bad" word. The amount to be deposited can be based upon individual words or you can simply make it a flat rate for any and all "cuss" words.Our rules stipulated that it would be a flat rate of one dollar for every "cuss" word spoken. Now, before we go any further, it should be noted that the bank was not for my children...they did not use bad language and therefore would never deposit money into the bank. My wife has never spoken a "cuss" word therefore the bank was not for her use either. Let's see...that leaves me. Yes, the Cuss Bank was bought just for me.
The Cuss Bank was purchased in an effort to try and get me to stop using words that are not pure and wholesome. You are probably wondering if it worked or not. It would suffice to say that at the end of the first day I had already deposited over ten dollars into the Cuss Bank and I had prepaid twenty dollars for the next day. It did not work unless you consider that at the end of the first year we I had deposited enough money to pay for our vacation to Myrtle Beach.
I often wonder where I learned to be such a proficient "cusser". It happened somewhere during my childhood...I'm not sure when or where. I do remember both my mother and my grandmother putting bars of soap in my mouth in an effort to get me to stop. I have prayed and asked God for help with my potty mouth but all such efforts have gone the way of the Edsel.
Some of my rants have achieved superstar status. I once used 32 four letter words accompanied by 13 seven letter modifying words in a single sentence. Am I happy about it? No, but at the time it was pretty damn darn funny. I have tried to stop cussing but I just can't. I'm not sure how it happens...it's like there's this switch inside my head that gets flipped to the "ON" position and they just start pouring out of my mouth. I often wish I could just rewind time or reach out and put them back in my mouth before anyone can hear them.
Today we no longer use the Cuss Bank. If we did I would probably have to declare bankruptcy...I would never have enough money to cover my fines. I'm still working on trying to better my language but short of covering my mouth with duct tape, I don't see any changes in sight. You know what they say, "Silence is golden; Duct tape is silver."
Be Well.
