I Saw The Light

Congratulations!  You have a sense of humor; and to those of you who don't...Go stick your head in the mud.  ~ Jesse Ventura

Have you ever been in one of those situations that makes every muscle in your body tense?  Well, maybe not every muscle, but the one that keeps you from pooping yourself?  You know, like after you've eaten a big plate of Chimmy Changa's or Holy Frijoles and you start to sweat and your stomach starts to rumble and you think to yourself that you better start heading toward the nearest bathroom.  As you start to walk, you realize that the launch sequence has already started and you've got T minus 15 seconds to enter a stall, drop your drawers and get ready to rumble. 

Well, I found myself in one of those butt puckering situations earlier this week.  Unfortunately, it didn't involve Mexican food, however, had I not been in my car, I think I would have been walking like a penguin.

So, there I was motoring my way to the Planet Kirby office just outside of Philadelphia.  It was about 5:45 a.m., the sun was still an hour away from making its first appearance of the morning.  As I rounded a turn my eyes caught what I thought to be the reflective tape used on some....POLICE CARS!  Sure enough, I rounded the turn doing well over 40 m.p.h., in a residential area where the speed limit was 30 m.p.h. and there he was...  As I passed the police officer tucked away in nicely hidden spot, those all too familiar red and blue lights accompanied by the nice bright spot light, lit up my morning commute.

There is something about knowing that you've been caught that always makes my sphincter tighten like after I've eaten too many Chimmy Changa's.  As I looked for a safe place to pull over I noticed that not only was my hiney getting tight but now sweat had begun to form on my forehead.  I knew I couldn't let this guy see me sweat.

Safely pulled to the side of the road, I now waited for the blue knight to approach.  He asked for my license and registration and then asked me, "What was the hurry this morning?"  My spidey senses told me that he was trying to get me to confess to being a lead foot, but I would have nothing of it.  There was obviously something wrong.  I replied, "No hurry, officer, it's really dark and I thought I was doing the speed limit."  With that he went back to his car.

While I don't condone lying, I wasn't about to admit anything to Officer Fife.  When he returned to my window, he said, "Today is your lucky day, Mr. Kirby.  When I went back to my car, the radar detector had reset itself to zero.  I'm just going to give you a warning."  With those words, my sphincter relaxed and the launch sequence stopped somewhere short of blast off.

I thought to myself..."Bill, you are one lucky amigo."  But I like to think of it as Karma just paying me back for all the nice things I do for people everyday.  It actually all turned out as good as it could possibly go.  I didn't get a fine and more importantly, I didn't have to go back to the Kirbarosa and change my pants.  Now that's a good day.

Be Well.

Bill