"Always make the audience suffer as much as possible." ~ Alfred HitchcockAfter finishing a business lunch with some customers, I ventured to the Men's Room knowing that the three glasses of sweet tea I had just finished were too much of a match for my ever weakening bladder. As I entered the Men's Room, I heard the toilet flush in one of the stalls and emerging from the stall was a large man who appeared to have taken care of "some much needed paperwork." He made his way to the sink, wiped some residual lunch from his face with his finger, adjusted his belt and then, grabbing the door handle, opened the door to the Men's Room and left.
I stood there for a moment thinking about what just happened. While I was not there for the full performance, I did catch his encore which I'm pretty sure should have included the washing of his hands. But no...he did the deed, flushed the toilet, emerged victorious after taking the Browns to the Super Bowl, picked food from his face with his fecal fingers, tightened his belt since his pants now fit a little looser and then touched the door handle as he opened the door and left.
After finishing my task, I went to the sink, scrubbed my hands, dried my hands with the air-dryer and then reached for the door handle.... Holy Crap! There was no way I was touching the handle after what I just witnessed. Looking for the paper towels, I noticed this was a non-paper towel bathroom. Thankfully, at that moment, another man entered the bathroom and as he did I nearly knocked him over as I made my exit.
As I re-entered the restaurant, I saw Bunghole Bob with his female companion standing at the counter paying in cash. He reached into his pocket and with his poo-poo hands pulled out some cash and paid for their meal. As they left the restaurant, he pushed on the door with his dirty digits and left the scene of the crime.
I stood in disbelief. This guy had just spread his germs throughout the whole restaurant. They were on the door handles, the money, and God knows what else he touched before he left the store. And now everyone else who come in contact with that stuff will have his precious E-Coli germs as well. Excuse me now while I vomit.
My wife says that I am a germophobe and while I do use a lot of hand sanitizer, I can't help but think that what this guy did today was gross. And then I started thinking that if this guy doesn't wash his hands...how do I know that the people that prepare my food wash their hands after they score a deuce? And earlier in the day when I got the change for my cup of coffee...how do I know that it wasn't last touched by Bunghole Bob?
Suppose this is how the Zombie Apocalypse gets started? Who knows what evil lurks on door handles and the United States cash supply?
As I left the restaurant and got into my car, I applied a double-dose of hand sanitizer to my hands. I thought to myself...this IS how it will start. While researchers still have not figured out just how and when the Zombie Apocalypse will start, I'm pretty sure it will start with brain dead bungholes like this guy. And to think...it could all be averted if everyone would just wash their hands. Time to get the baseball bat out of the closet.
Be Well.
Bill
