Tonight after I finished a busy day of work at the Worldwide Headquarters of Planet Kirby, I went to our local Township Building and voted. There were a bunch of judges up for re-election, a County Sheriff position and a space or two on the local township Board of Supervisors. As I stood there voting I couldn't help but wonder why anyone would want to run for political office.
While these were local elections, there probably won't be any earth shattering revelations about any of the candidates. There were no paparazzi at the local township building tonight and TMZ's camera's were nowhere in sight. So, that's probably a good sign that all of the candidates on the ballot are fine, upstanding citizens. Or are they? I mean, how would I know? Some candidates character flaws don't manifest themselves until after they've already won.
You know some people should just not run for political office...even if they do consider it their civic duty. These are people that I like to call Representatives of the Dumb Ass Party. Your sins will eventually find you out, whether you are in a National Office or a lowly Township Supervisor. If you have a drug addiction you probably shouldn't run for political office. Just ask Marion "Just Say Yo" Barry. If you are addicted to sex you probably shouldn't run for office. Even though that whole Monica Lewinsky thing wasn't Willie's fault, it sure did look that way. But, if Old Hillary would have been doing her job, he never would have given old rosey red lips a second look. If you like to take pictures of your wiener and your last name is Wiener, you probably shouldn't run for political office.
I know I would not make a good political candidate. I don't have the patience for it. And I'm sure I would use my position to bully people and further my own personal agenda's. But if I did run for office, I would have fun with it. I would make sure that my constituency knew that what they saw is what they would get. If I ran for local office, I would run on a platform of making Beer Pong the official sport of Hopewell Township and making people prove that they really are handicapped before they can park in a handicap spot at the local Supermarket and Drug Store. There would be free beer and nachos for anyone who would help with my campaign
As candidate Kirby, there are a few things that would be certain. You can't see Russia from my doorstep, there will be no sexting of my wiener to anyone, and let's just say that Mrs. Kirby won't be allowing anyone named Monica to come anywhere near me or my office.
Be Well.
Bill
