I want everyone to know that child sexual abuse is no laughing matter. The events that have played out over the last few days regarding the abuse that took place on the campus of Penn State University have sickened me to the core. I believe that there may be no less horrific crime than when someone takes away the innocence of a child.
That being said, I have found that, for me, laughter is the best medicine. Todays blog is not meant to make light of the abuse that took place, but rather, how silly it is to think that nobody, including Joe Paterno, did anything to stop the abuse. All of us have a responsibility to speak up when we see abuses taking place...no matter who we are or what the consequences might be. My heart and prayers go out to all of the boys and families that have been forever impacted by those events. With that in mind, here is my interview with former Penn State football coach, Joe Paterno.
Bill: Thanks for taking the time to meet with me, Coach. Oh...can I still call you coach, since you're not the coach anymore?
JoePa: What? I'm not the coach anymore?
Bill: Gee...this is a little awkward...didn't the University call you last night to say that you had been fired?
JoePa: I did get a call last night...but I thought the man said that they wanted to "sire" me. You know, like make a bunch of little Joe Pa's so my legacy can continue after I retire in 30 years.
Bill: Thirty years? Wow...you'd be like 114 in thirty years.
JoePa: (leaning in close) Truth be told, I've been dead ever since I shit my pants during the Ohio State game back in 2008. They just prop me up in the press box during the games.
Bill: So what do you make of all the allegations regarding your former player and coach, Jerry Sandusky?
JoePa: Sandusky, that dumb pollack. I remember when he was a student here back in the seventies, he was standing in a fresh cow turd and when he looked down he thought he was melting. What about the old Polish Princess?
Bill: You really don't know, do you?
JoePa: Know what?
Bill: Sandusky is accused of having sex with little boys in the showers at Penn State and everyone said you knew about it.
JoePa: I do seem to remember somebody telling me once that Sandusky was making a little noise in the shower.
Bill: Is it possible that someone told you he was making it with little boys in the shower?
JoePa: Oh my...I think maybe I should tell the police. (pooping in his pants)
Bill: I think it's a little late for that....
JoePa: Sue! I crapped my pants again! Bring me the damn baby wipes... We're done! Interview Over!
As I left the interview, I couldn't help but thinking about something my son, Nathan, said once..."That's karma, Dick." I think I'll take a little journalistic liberty here and change his quote just a little..."That's karma, Joe... actually, on second thought, I think Nate had it right..."That's karma, Dick."
Be well.
Bill
