There are two events that I really don't like to attend. In no particular order of dis-taste, they are weddings and funerals. I think I will save my discourse on weddings for a future blog post and begin the process of dealing with why I have such a disdain for funerals.
At an early age, I remember my parents saying that they were going to the funeral home and pay their "last respects" to someone who recently 'bought the farm' (my term, not theirs). I also remember having to go along with them while they paid their respects. I hated it then and I hate it now. Let's face it, nobody knows what to say to the family and I'm not sure if there are ever any 'right' words to say.
So, I've been thinking about this postmortem problem that I have and I'm determined not to make my funeral some event that nobody wants to attend. My funeral will be in the town where I grew up and it will be at the Scarpelli Funeral Home. Every Kirby from as far back as I can remember have had their funerals at Scarpelli's. Now, we won't be calling it a funeral. Instead, we will be calling it a 'farewell party'. Then, I will be recording some video's for each of my friends that attend. You will be able to select your name from a menu on my computer and, once selected, you will see my face pop up on the screen and I'll have a personal message for you. It might say something like, "Hi Brain...you dog-ass, don't I look like myself?" and then I'll go on and recall some embarrassing moment from the past while everyone watches. As you leave the party, I'll give each of you a parting gift as a token of my love and affection.
While the video's play on, there will be plenty of Irish Whiskey, Coney Island Hot Dogs, D'atri's Italian Subs and bacon for everyone to enjoy. One thing will be noticeably absent... A casket. You guessed it, I'm going to be cremated. So, after the guests at my farewell party have been sufficiently wined and dined, it will be off to Constitution Park to spread some of my ashes on the infield where I played short stop in Little League. Some of the best memories of my childhood were spent on that field. There are a few other locations in and around my hometown where I want some more ashes spread. For the sake of not embarrasing my wife, I won't disclose the locations or the reasons at this time. Let's just say that they are all jam packed with lots of fun memories.
Now, my remaining ashes will be mixed with various colors of paint and I have asked my daughter, Shannon, to paint some pictures with my now multi-colored ashes. Each picture is to be framed and one given to each of my children. That way I'll always be with them in a fun sort of way.
Well, there it is. Hopefully, if you out live me you can come to the party. Life was meant to be lived and I plan on celebrating the life I was given right up until the ash gets painted onto the canvas. Bet you're wondering what my video will say about you, huh?
Be Well.
Bill
