So today I was sitting in a little greasy spoon near my office. All I wanted was a little food and something to drink before I began my afternoon. As is usually the case on Planet Kirby, nothing about my hopefully quiet respite was going to go as I had planned.
I had just finished my meal and I thought to myself that I would enjoy a cup of high voltage coffee to jump start my afternoon which was jam packed with meetings. With that, my waiter returned and asked if I would like anything else as he placed my check on the table. Without hesitation I informed him that I would like some coffee and that I would like it "black." With a look of "Hey, pal, it was only a rhetorical question", he picked up my check and said, "What would you like with it?"
Now, I was pretty sure that I said "black." So I, in my best "I can be a bigger asshole than you" voice said, "A cup sure would be dandy." The waiter gave me this confused look and asked, "Would you like some cream and sugar?" For the second time in less than 15 seconds, I replayed my original request in my head and for the second time the video tape in my brain showed that I asked for some coffee and that I wanted it "black." It was at this point, with instant replay on my side, I looked at the waiter and said, "If the cream and sugar are black."
For a moment we just looked at one another as he contemplated what I had just said. So I decided to continue, since my simple request had now turned into a blood sport and I was the matador and he was the blind shoe maker. Addressing his confused stare, I went on, "I would like my coffee black. Void of any color. Black like the deepest, darkest part of space, the place where there is no light. Black like the opposite of white. The land where there is no cream and sugar."
Now, with my check in hand, he slowly turned and began his walk of confusion back to the kitchen. A minute of so later he returned to my table and placed my rich dark brew on the table in front of me. This time he just laid the check in front of me and told me to have a nice day. Game. Set. Match. Bill Kirby.
Be Well.
Bill
