Today was just one of those annoying days. I wasn't annoyed about anything in particular; I was just annoyed. Maybe it was because I had just had the last eleven days off of work and I now found myself awake at an hour when no good soul should have to be awake in order to get up and go to work. Or perhaps it was due to the fact that, while on my holiday hacienda, I became addicted to Moonshiners and Swamp People on the History Channel and I was beginning to go through redneck withdraw. Nonetheless, as I left the comfortable surroundings of the Kirbasrosa and began my nearly two hour trek to work, I was noticing that I was quickly moving from DEFCON 4 to DEFCON 3 on the Annoyance Scale. I was sure that something or someone was going to annoy me to no end at some point in the day.
The first part of my commute was rather uneventful since it was still dark outside. But then, just a few miles from Philadelphia, it happened. I pulled my SUV into the fast lane to pass a parade of non-pedal pushers when, suddenly and without provocation, the driver in the fast lane decided to slow down and do the speed limit. Normally, this would not be a bad thing if everyone else in the slow lane wasn't also doing the same speed as this guy but they were. I call this type of individual "The Wayne Hudson"; named after a guy I knew back in the1980's who thought it was his God given right to get in the fast lane and do the speed limit since he had as much right to that lane as anyone else. You know the type; they are bung holes.
My usual move at this point would be to step on the gas and see how close I can come to the slow poke in front of me while flashing my lights and giving the one finger salute but today I didn't do that. There was a tell-tale sign that the individual driving the car in front of me was not going to speed up or move out of the way and so I slowed down. As I surveyed the back of the green mini van, I counted no less than 15 bumper stickers. The first one to catch my eye read, "Honk if you are Amish." There was another one that said something like, "If you can read this, I am not impressed, most people can read." It was obvious that this guy was in no hurry to get no where.
Slowing down to the speed of smell, I got into the slow lane and passed Mr. Hudson just like everyone else. But, just as I was about to pass him, I looked over and saw that he had one of those Stick Figure Family Stickers on the back window of the mini van. On it were 5 stick figures and it read, "The Ass Family - Jack, Smart, Lazy, Kiss and Dumb." I thought to myself that at least he is aware of his problem and we all know that the first step of the cure is to admit that you are an Ass sometimes.
Once around Mr. Jack Ass, I reaffirmed my position in the fast lane and sped off. As he faded out of sight, I couldn't be sure whether it was his driving prowess or all of those stupid bumper stickers that annoyed me so much. Maybe it was a little of both. I think bumper stickers are stupid any way. But then, as I drove, I began to think that if I did get a bumper sticker, what would it be? You know, if some new government regulation like "Obamasticker" forced me to get a bumper sticker and I could choose what I wanted but it would cost me a lot of money, what would I get? I'm not sure but I'm always open to suggestions.
Be Well.
Bill
P.S. - I'm not annoyed any more.
