I have made a personal decision recently to begin forgiving others. For a long time I've carried around feelings of resentment and hatred for some people that I have felt wronged me in my life. So now that I've learned to forgive myself, I thought it might be best to begin forgiving others.
Sure, I wanted God to deal with them in the most unjust of ways for the way in which I was treated over the years. I even wished that I had the super cool powers like James and John and be able to call down fire from heaven and consume my enemies. You know, I wanted to dish out some Sodom and Gomorrah type judgment on them. I'm sure I could blame being in throws of depression on my anger, and while that might of had something to do with it, the truth is that some of these people had hurt me bad over the years. What makes it worse is that some of these people are family.
Recently, I had the opportunity to sit across the table from someone who I felt had wronged me over the years. The meeting was at my request. I knew if my catharsis was going to be complete I had to begin forgiving others. Honestly, I was torn as to the approach I was going to take during our one-on-one session. There was a part of me who wanted to lay out all of their past indiscretions and address them one-by-one so they could understand just how insensitive and hateful I perceived they had been to me over the years. But I didn't.
In the days leading up to this meeting I began to pray for this individual, not that God would smite them or anything, but that God would allow him to come to our encounter with an open heart and mind. As for me, I prayed that God would create a right spirit within me and allow me to love this person again. As I prayed I found that my heart and my attitude toward him began to change. I didn't want to carry around the hatred anymore. One-by-one I felt the burdens of past sins against me begin to be lifted. By the time of our meeting I could barely remember why I felt such angst against this individual.
I have always said that prayer doesn't change things; it changes people and people change things. As we sat down to visit, I was a changed man. There was no talk of the past and any injustices that may have been encountered along the way. Instead, we talked about my journey and where I had been these last 15 years or so and while it wasn't said directly, it was obvious that we both had come to the meeting with a heart and spirit of reconciliation.
As I continue to try to make sense of this life that I'm living in a crazy, crazy world, I find that life is better lived when I lay my burdens down at the feet of Jesus. I know that sounds cliché-ish but let's face it...I've tried to enjoy life while carrying them around and it wasn't pretty. The good news is that I'm getting better and I like the direction my life is taking. Now if God would just stop the hair from growing in my ears and nostrils I be one real happy camper.
Be Well.
Bill
