I am not sure that there is anything that can prepare you for the loss of a parent. At least, in my case, I know that to be true. Looking back, I am much better prepared now to understand and appreciate all of the things that they did, when I was growing up, to prepare me for life. You know, all of the stuff that I didn't appreciate when I was younger and thought that they were trying to make my life miserable. I now know that everything they did was done out of love.
I have always tried to learn from every experience that life throws at me. Over the last few days, I have been thinking about my life and how much my life has changed from going through the emotion and grief of losing my folks.
My mom passed away just a few weeks before my oldest daughters wedding. She loved weddings, and I often think about how she would have thought that Nina was so beautiful and how much fun she would have had dancing with all of us crazy people at the reception. As I think about that day, I would have given anything to have danced with mom one more time. After all, she is the one who taught me all of my dance moves and gave me the confidence to ask my junior high school crush to the 8th grade dance. That cutie would later become my wife.
My sons were born after my father had died. They never got to experience my dad's sarcastic humor and his "no bullshit" attitude. I somehow think they that were robbed of the life experiences that can only be dispensed from a grandfather. He would have loved to watch them grow into the fantastic young men that they have become today.
I know now that I didn't spend enough time with either of them while they were alive. Not that I have any regrets but there are times now when I wish that I could pick up the phone and just talk for a while. I guess I was too busy trying to build a career and raise my own family. Little did I know, that at the time, they probably had answers or advice to most of the mundane crap that I was trying to figure out of my own.
My dad was famous for his many sayings and one thing that he always said was that life goes on. And so it does. Despite the fact that my father passed away in 1990 and my mom in 2006, sometimes I still break down and cry just like they passed away this morning. I can't explain it, I just do.
And so here I sit tonight wishing that I could pick up the phone and call my dad to sing "Happy Birthday" to him. He would have been 92 years old today. As I reflect on their lives, it is really their deaths that have forever changed me and how I look at my life and the world around me. For sure, it has made me a better parent. Memories have a powerful impact on life and I owe it to my children to let them know I much I love each one of them and to remind each of them about how proud I am of their grown up selves. So maybe, just maybe, when Bill Kirby no longer graces the hallways of the Kirbarosa that they will remember the love and laughter that was my gift and my legacy to them.
Be Well. Love your parents.
Bill
