So as I sit here considering my conditional spirit of giving thanks I have become increasingly aware of some area’s of my life that could use a gratitude overhaul. Hidden blessings that have been cloaked as unfortunate components of my life’s journey that have been deemed unworthy of thankfulness.
This Thanksgiving I am thankful for the grief that I’ve felt from losing those who meant the most to me. The loss of a loved one is ever present. I’m not sure that it ever goes away. And while the grief I feel visits my heart on a daily basis it is especially cruel on holidays and birthdays. It is a reminder of what I no longer have, of separation and of emotions that are now regulated to memories and photographs. This year I am doing my best to find gratitude for my grief since my emotions surrounding the loss of those I loved is confirmation that I knew love and that the people I loved so deeply are worth missing.
As odd as this might seem, I am thankful for my depression. As much as I’ve cursed its darkness, I now realize that my depression has caused me to understand that joy is not guaranteed and that every day is a blessing from God. It has allowed me to look beyond my own internal anguish and to realize that much of the world is hurting and that most of the wounds people endure are mostly invisible. Because of my depression I started writing and as much as I would rather not have my dark passenger with me from time to time I am grateful that my dark journey with depression has allowed me to help others who have also struggled in the darkness.
As hard as it has been for me to move beyond own cognitive dysmorphia I think that I can say that I am thankful for finally being able to accept the person I see in the mirror. The weathered lines on my face now remind me of a lifetime of laughter and hard work; of a feeling of accomplishment and a life well lived. Along with age has come physical changes and limitations that have developed from endless hours spent playing the sports I love and dancing with those who mean more to me than life itself. After all these years, maybe the mirror is losing it’s death grip on me and maybe, just maybe, the mirror might no longer be my gateway drug to self-hatred.
There are so many experiences and emotions along our journey that can irrevocably alter our life’s story and mold us into the person that God intended for us to be all along. And for that I am thankful.
Be Well.
Bill
As hard as it has been for me to move beyond own cognitive dysmorphia I think that I can say that I am thankful for finally being able to accept the person I see in the mirror. The weathered lines on my face now remind me of a lifetime of laughter and hard work; of a feeling of accomplishment and a life well lived. Along with age has come physical changes and limitations that have developed from endless hours spent playing the sports I love and dancing with those who mean more to me than life itself. After all these years, maybe the mirror is losing it’s death grip on me and maybe, just maybe, the mirror might no longer be my gateway drug to self-hatred.
There are so many experiences and emotions along our journey that can irrevocably alter our life’s story and mold us into the person that God intended for us to be all along. And for that I am thankful.
Be Well.
Bill
