This week my wife and I have been looking through some old photos that we found tucked away in the basement of The Kirbarosa. In all of the merriment of exploring lost memories captured on Kodak paper there was one photo, in particular, that sent me into a tailspin of emotion. It was a photo of my Dad sitting with my daughters just months before he passed away. His body was failing him, and yet, there he was with his arms around them smiling for the camera as if his body knew no pain. He loved being with them and he loved that they called him Peachy Pap.
As I studied the photo, I could feel that the water works were about to start as every memory of my father came flooding back into my consciousness. At that moment, I missed him so fucking much. I'm sorry, I know that was inappropriate. Let me try again. In that instant, I missed him so fucking much. There, that's better.
Honestly, I was no good for the rest of the day. And I have a lot of days like that where my emotions can get the best of me. I can't help it, that's who I am and I struggle to be normal most days. But here's the thing... Unless someone really stopped to see my bloodshot eyes they would have no idea of the massive sinkhole of emotions that had just swallowed me whole.
I know that I'm not alone when it comes to dealing with the collateral damage of living and loving deeply. Everyday we pass by people who are missing someone or grieving over someone. They struggle to push back tears as the memories of losing someone feels as fresh and raw as it did that very first day.
As I struggled to regain my tough guy status, I decided to share this story because I know that I am not the only one who is struggling most days. Each day we pass by others who will never announce their mourning or alert you to the fact their emotions are crushed - but if you look with the right eyes, you'll see the signs.
Let's go easy on each other. A kind word goes a long way with someone who is hurting on the inside...
Be Well.
Bill
