Take Every Opportunity

I lost my father 29 years ago, and the word 'lost' seems right because I keep looking for him in every aspect of my life as if he was misplaced or something.  Despite his absence I still talk to him all of the time just like he were sitting right next to me.  While that might seem strangely weird and eccentric to some, I do take comfort in knowing that while he was alive I told him repeatedly how much I loved him and how grateful I was to have him as my father, mentor, hero and friend.  I do wonder if my words reach him now but, like I said, I do take comfort in knowing that he heard them back then.

And yet, in the moments, months and years that followed his passing, despite all that I had said and shared with him, I was overwhelmed by the flood of emotion that accompanied the memory of every unspoken thought, every withheld word or undelivered expression of love. I wished to God that I could now be given a second chance to say everything that wasn't said; all that I should have said.  I now know that time is our most precious commodity; it is something for which we would sell all that we own in order to have more of it spent with those we love.

I was fortunate, in that, I felt like I was able to empty the full contents of my heart with my father before he passed.  It was important for me to let him know just how much I loved him and how blessed I was to have him as my dad.

Perhaps most importantly, I've come to realize that this life and the time that we have with those we love the most is startlingly short.  I've learned that I need to take every opportunity to speak words of love, to those I love, while they are still present in this world.  Because the truth is that one day, as impossible as it might seem right now, I won't get to choose.

I am now relegated to miss my dad for the rest of the time that I have left on this planet.  While I can't change the timing of his exit from this life, I see clearly that I am surrounded by family and friends who I don't have to miss, who aren't relegated to my past, who I can see and touch and hold and say the things that I need to say even if the words might not be perfect.

That's all for now.  I've got some people who haven't heard from me in a while...

Be Well.

Bill