I have no idea what the first word was that I ever spoke and I often wonder what my last words will be. I do know, however, that in the second grade, my choice of words cost me my recess privileges for three days. I guess you could say that I learned to defend myself with words at an early age.
I have tried to go for a day without peppering my phraseology. You can probably guess the result. With each attempt, the only unknown is just how miniscule of time it will take before I mumble my first malediction.
I sometimes wish that I could learn how to control the colorful phrases and innuendos that spring forth from my visceral lexicon but then again, what fun would that be? If nothing else, I have learned that my words have the power to build someone up and they also have the power to destroy so I do try to use them wisely.
For the most part, I keep my variegated vocabulary confined to the non-public parts of my life. Usually, only those closest to me get to hear my colorful incantations. I'm not sure whether that's good or bad. Whether spoken in angst or laughter they are always entertaining. Well, at least I find great joy in them.
At this stage in my life's journey, I've learned to become my own greatest motivator. Life is too short to leave that task in anyone else's hands. As I've learned to accept and love myself, there really aren't any limits to the person that I can become. The same is true with my words. Like I said, I've tried to stop with the dumbfuckery and I'm tired of beating myself up for the words that I wish didn't flow so freely from my mouth. They are a part of who I am and I've finally learned to accept it.
Life is a balance between holding on and letting go. I've learned that the same is true with my choice of words. Sometimes there is a balance between holding them in and letting them go. I can't wait to see what today brings.
Be Well.
Bill
